And now, about that hemorrhoid cream...

I can't tell you how many people have asked me about the hemorrhoid cream. Scroll down a few posts if you have no clue what I'm talking about. So now, for your reading pleasure, I shall address the issue.

Last week, I was pretty miserable. Cary was out of town Sunday-Thursday, and I was SICK...sick with CHILDREN. Fortunately, the children were healthy or else I just may have found a cave to crawl into. (And PRAISE GOD they're still healthy despite snitching drinks from my straws and bites from my germ infested plates.) All that to say, I was QUITE desperate for some nostril relief. My nose was so stopped up, I couldn't get an ounce of oxygen to squeeze through my swollen nasal passages. I was trying desperately to stay away from nose spray because it always makes me more sick in the long run. I do have a netty pot (sp?) but I hate that thing. It gives me ear infections. (And it doesn't work for bad colds!) So I was wracking my brain to think of something that makes swelling go down, thinking if the swelling in my sinus cavity would just go down, I could breathe. I took advil (an anti-inflammatory), but it did nothing. Well, it did help my massive headache caused from children running wild and free while Daddy was out of town, but I still couldn't breathe. I contemplated sending a friend to the liquor store to get me something good and strong, something to just knock me out, breathing through my nose or not! And I have great friends here, but I'm not sure any of them know where a liquor store is! (Love you Kristi, Brenda & Carrie!) So that left me rummaging through the bathroom cabinets in search of any form of anti-swelling agents. And VOILA...hemmorrhoid cream! It was left over from my 1st pregnancy. Does twat cream have an expiration date??? Now, before you get all grossed out, honestly, it's just cream that helps with swelling and irritation. It didn't touch my twat. I used it ONCE for that purpose and applied it with toilet paper, so the tube nor the cream inside ever touched the land down under! So it's not like it was "contaminated". I carefully spread it on my face, over the sinus areas and that did nothing but make my skin burn. So I decided to put some on a q-tip and spread it up inside my nose. The swelling didn't go down, but I could taste it running down my throat all night. I drank about a gallon of water and blew my nose constantly, but it was too late.

Although it didn't work, you have to hand it to my creative thinking abilities (especially while being sick!) Or maybe the fever killed a few too many brain cells.

So there you have it...don't try this at home!