So this whole homework thing...

it started! Today! Homework! Can you picture me doing the whole "Home Alone" grab my face and scream thing? Cause I am! Okay, so the homework is not really "homework". It's more like the suggestions given by the teacher to help your child REALLY succeed in school. Which I am ALL FOR! In fact, I love homework. I believe in homework. Lots of homework. Call me Chinese. But homework is healthy! I'm also all for standardized tests! I think you should have to take a standardized test in order to reproduce. But back to homework. So Lexi came home today and said, "Mommy, look in my student planner. I have homework today." Okay, I thought. I can do this whole homework thing. This will be kind of fun. I'm a certified teacher. I taught gifted and talented students. Surely I can handle kindergarten homework. Right? (chuckle here) Today was my first attempt to do "homework" with Lexi. It went a little something like this:

Me: So let's practice writing your first and last name ON THE LINES. We're going to begin with a capital letter. Lexi, did you hear me? Pick up your pencil. I said ON THE LINES. Okay, let mommy show you. See how mommy is doing it. Lexi? Are you watching mommy? Ashton, PLEASE quit spilling juice on Mommy's clean floor. Okay, Lex, now let's see you do it. No no honey, see this line and this line, you have to stay between them! Watch mommy again. Okay now it's your turn. ASHTON, PLEASE leave the juice on the table. Okay, Lex, let's try it again, this time try to stay ON THE LINES. Okay, but honey, what is that? Does your "C" look anything like mommy's "C"? Why does your "C" have a tail and a face? Lexi, I need for you to focus and do your best work. Come on now, sit up straight. Here we go. Candice, PLEASE STOP BARKING!

Lexi: I don't really feel like doing this today mommy. I'm tired.

Me: You can sleep later. Come on. Your teacher said you have to know how to write your first and last name, using capital and lowercase letters on the handwriting paper. Come on. If you will just do it for me perfect three times, you can go play. ASHTON, WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING THE DOG????

Lexi: MOMMY...THIS IS STUPID!!!!!!!! (in a very whiney voice...)I. don't. wanna. do. this. any. more. (perking up...)Is that the ice cream truck? Mommy, can we buy ice cream?

Me: (Staring at her in disbelief for a few awkward seconds) Okay, let's take a break! (A FOUR HOUR BREAK WHICH WE NEVER RESUMED FROM AND NOW SHE'S IN BED!)

Um homeschooling? No thank you! And daddy just earned himself homework duty for the next 15 years!